I haven’t been on my blog in so long, the first thing I did when I got back on was judge it. Just ripped it to pieces. I literally almost didn’t write this post because I thought I had to redo EVERYTHING because anyone who saw this was gonna judge this or that about it. And then I had to stop and remember that was exactly why I was back on and writing this. (ps. I did make changes to my website, but this was a month ago – pre radio silence, I just never got to mention it)
It’s been six months since I first initiated Small Town Runaway. Man was I excited! So excited I quickly wore myself out. All that excited was replaced with stress. And stress is NO GOOD! It was then that I realized that I was doing this blog for all the wrong reasons! And if you ask any successful blogger, they’ll always tell you to blog because you love it, not because you want to make money or get free stuff. And while I do admit that all that sounded good and was a factor in me even starting this blog in the first place, it’s not the main reason why I started Small Town Runaway. But thinking that way stressed me out and blogging just wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore. So I started blogging less and less, putting it off for other things, and then I just stopped. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it! I couldn’t help but crave the feeling of just letting out who I am in words.
So What Happened and What Did I Do to Change It?
It started to get to me that I had been trying so hard and my readers were still in the double digits (on a good day) and other people were getting more likes than me (even people who didn’t blog!). But I realized that I was comparing myself to others who had been doing this for a long time, with people who had already put in their work, people who had found what worked for THEM and ran with it. I also realized that the numbers didn’t matter. That the people who were reading this were people who cared for me and supported me, and honestly how could I ask for more?!?
I also realized that I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I don’t make a lot of money. I can’t shop every week and have a closet full of clothes from Nordstrom or Louis Vuitton’s in every shape and color. I shop sales (you know, last seasons stuff). I shop at the outlets. Yes I treat myself once in a while, but I’m a millennial living in one of the biggest cities in the US – life is not cheap! I can’t post amazing outfits and go on extravagant trips like other bloggers (one day though! #Goals). I started this blog because I was good at finding great deals and letting my girlfriends know about them. So why was I trying to do something else???
But most importantly I realized that the main thing that kept me from blogging was myself. I was my biggest critic. I was telling myself things that no one had ever said; hurtful, mean things. I just kept telling myself how I wasn’t as pretty as the other blogger and that’s why I didn’t get as many likes or followers. I would look at pictures of outfits I took and erase them (even after doing all the work putting them together and finding time and a place to shoot) because I would convince myself that no one would ever wear that because I had no sense of style. I would just go on and on finding any reason to doubt myself. Until I realized that I was the only person saying those things. Not one person had said anything bad to me, NOT ONE!
So Now What?
I was so happy and excited to start this blog and I lost sight of that. I set unrealistic goals and standards that were wayyyy to high. I’ve now learned that baby steps are ok and probably the best approach. With that said, I want to let you know that I will only be blogging once a week (to start off – and gradually add more as life gets easier) and I don’t promise links to every item I wear. But I promise to be honest, true, but most of all try! I obviously want this blog to be successful, but that is no longer my main goal. I’m doing this for fun, so let’s have fun!
And please learn from me. Don’t let doubt and hard times keep you from doing something you love, something that makes you happy, something that you can’t stop thinking about! A lot has been happening in my life this past month that I’ve been silent. A lot of things have changed and things are still changing. And change is not easy. I’m still trying to figure it out really. But I’ve come to realize that no matter what happens, things will be ok. You just gotta trust in God and believe in yourself and everything will work out the way they’re supposed to.
XO, Mayra
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Love the honesty of this post! I am right there with you, feeling almost the exact same as you did about blogging. But hey, "being your worst critic" can turn into "being your biggest cheerleader"... keep up the good work!!!
-Marta